I felt a spirit enter me. There was a feeling of fullness and overwhelming joy. It was too big for me to contain. That caused discomfort in my body and the release of some energy. My legs jerked with spasms. Emotions came up. I wept. It was such a large experience, I told A- out loud what I was experiencing at the time. (Afterward, he said he felt waves of energy radiating from me while this was going on. He felt kundalini going up his spine.  He also saw beings crowding in, looking through the windows even, curious to see how things would go with me.)

Later I felt compelled to do the Qigong move “rowing” with my hands. That was inexplicably satisfying.

Still later I felt myself slipping into a parallel reality. I felt like I was transferring from this place to another place, particle by particle, slowly losing this reality and gaining acuity of the other. It was a place I have gone to before. It is a big house with many leaded, small-pane windows. It is a little cold, like there is no heat, and there are no furnishings to dampen echoes. It was the same retreat space I went to before, where I joined a group of people doing exercises like I learned to do for the stages of healing in Network. But there was no one there this time.

Toward the end, A- said I did a lot of yawning (releases of unconscious energy) and that I spent a long time processing outside of my body. Funny, I didn’t remember the yawning; neither was I aware of leaving my body; neither did I feel as if I spent any time sleeping.

I got up to use the toilet, then came back and lay down awhile longer, maintaining the breath. But I felt complete and nothing more came up. A- said he saw a complete energy cycle. Pretty soon I opened my eyes and then felt like sitting up. I wasn’t woozy on my feet like I often am after breath work. I left feeling inspired and in awe of what I experienced this time; not so desperate to be with a friend like I often feel after a session. 

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The Station Agent

The Station Agent

The Station Agent (2003)
A man leads a very small life making miniature trains for hobbyists until his boss dies and provides in his will a place for him to live – an abandoned train station in upstate New Jersey. In his new, isolated home he makes a couple new friends.

I found this slice-of-life, non-story of a story curiously satisfying – touching even. The way these three odd, unremarkable people carrying on with their personal dramas make for a memorable movie. This story also offers an interesting look at the hobby of train spotting.

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A Single Man

A Single ManA Single Man (2009)
A day in the life of a depressed man recovering from the loss of his partner – the day he has decided to commit suicide.

The whole film is an expression of the gentle main character. You can feel the hollow silence he shifts back and forth between memories of his partner and his mundane duties of living. He is a professor living in a beautiful house on the ocean, in southern California in the 60’s. It is interesting to experience the trappings of that era. It is interesting to experience the qualities of his former relationship through the eye of his memories.

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Talk to Her

Talk to HErTalk to Her (2002)
The caregiver of a woman in a coma befriends the spouse of another woman in a coma. The caregiver challenges the spouse to keep talking to his partner even though she can’t respond.

The landscape of this film is stark and spare. The story is revealed in little vignettes, as if being recalled by the main character. Some interesting surprises toward the end. I especially like how much off-scene drama was indicated by on-scene drama.


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compost-1 I unloaded my first batch of compost from my converted cement mixer. Dad bought this antique at an auction when I was a kid. (Those were the days when there was more treasure than bidders and you could easily walk away with more than you could carry for two bits.) The ancient motor that came with it still works fine. (I keep it under cover.)

I throw in kitchen scraps as often as I fill my bucket, throw in a few hand handfuls of grass clippings and turn on the mixer for less than a minute.

compost-2It took a couple months before I had to empty the mixer. What came out smelled like fresh soil and looked completely decomposed.

After I took down my tomato cages, I spread hay over the garden and distributed the compost over the top.

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Extraordinary ideas may spring from entertaining bizarre perceptions. 10.24.13

If you cannot do what you are doing with joy, ease and a sense of adventure – get out of there! Your negative, stress-filled thoughts and actions do no good. Work on your attitude and then try it again. 5.23.10

Paul leapt from star to star until he needed no further steps to fly. 3.10.10

What if the whole world existed just to prick you? What if the whole world existed just to love you, but you were too bedeviled by pricks to notice? 2.10.10

We are living in checkmate. We are On The Beach. The game is over, we just don’t know it yet. Will they spend years calculating just exactly when we crossed the point of no return, or will anyone care about that by then? 2.5.09

This week has so many days in it! 1.17.07

It is harder for a pretty girl to develop her personality than it it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. 9/16/06

I feel like things are going my way most of the time. I wonder if that is because things really are going my way, or it is just the way I look at things. 12/25/05

Sometimes, living in greater connection entails disconnection. 8/14/04

Half the fun of getting drunk is driving fast. 7/25/04

I buy a lottery ticket and dream of the mountains I will give away.
But on the day-to-day, my material desires swell three times the size of my wallet with every little bump in income. 6/30/04

People are like icebergs:nine tenths is hiding below the surface. 9/18/02

The problem with growing up is that mommy isn’t around any more to tell you when you have had enough. 9/01

Before I met her I never bothered to answer the telephone. Now I carry it around with me. 8/01

Sometimes passion is patience. 7/01

My friends improve me.

Those whom I love, I tease.

We have two chief duties in life: to be polite and to entertain.
Pity we must so often dispense with one in order to achieve the other.


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The Last Day of Summer

The last day of summer is not when fall rains begin. No, it is that other day, that break in the rain after two weeks, that precious day of weaker rays, after the sun has skipped to its winter track and nights have turned cold.

When those first rains come, they are unbelievable and you can’t appreciate the sunshine that is interrupted because it seemed unstoppable. But after the rain, then you know the inescapable truth: that all good things must come to an end. (I used to hate it whenever my mother said that.) Change is afoot. Those endless, playful, carefree days of summer are done. A thunderbolt of realization travels to my core; it is the one moment out of the whole year when that unbidden thought slips in before I can stop it, “I may die.”

After the rains, that one clear day is a gift, an inestimable jewel, an unfathomable prize, a reprieve! Suddenly you find the time and energy to set all cares aside and play for one whole day. Okay, maybe you are tidying up the yard or putting the garden to bed. But you are damn sure going to open all the windows and spend the day outside!

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