I felt a spirit enter me. There was a feeling of fullness and overwhelming joy. It was too big for me to contain. That caused discomfort in my body and the release of some energy. My legs jerked with spasms. Emotions came up. I wept. It was such a large experience, I told A- out loud what I was experiencing at the time. (Afterward, he said he felt waves of energy radiating from me while this was going on. He felt kundalini going up his spine. He also saw beings crowding in, looking through the windows even, curious to see how things would go with me.)
Later I felt compelled to do the Qigong move “rowing” with my hands. That was inexplicably satisfying.
Still later I felt myself slipping into a parallel reality. I felt like I was transferring from this place to another place, particle by particle, slowly losing this reality and gaining acuity of the other. It was a place I have gone to before. It is a big house with many leaded, small-pane windows. It is a little cold, like there is no heat, and there are no furnishings to dampen echoes. It was the same retreat space I went to before, where I joined a group of people doing exercises like I learned to do for the stages of healing in Network. But there was no one there this time.
Toward the end, A- said I did a lot of yawning (releases of unconscious energy) and that I spent a long time processing outside of my body. Funny, I didn’t remember the yawning; neither was I aware of leaving my body; neither did I feel as if I spent any time sleeping.
I got up to use the toilet, then came back and lay down awhile longer, maintaining the breath. But I felt complete and nothing more came up. A- said he saw a complete energy cycle. Pretty soon I opened my eyes and then felt like sitting up. I wasn’t woozy on my feet like I often am after breath work. I left feeling inspired and in awe of what I experienced this time; not so desperate to be with a friend like I often feel after a session.
Knowing the future is like listening to a song that you know. Even though you know what’s coming up, you still have to wait for it to arrive before you can do anything with it, before you can interact with it.
I saw myself walking along a beach littered with various size little balls made of black diamond. They were light enough to float on the water and had many exotic designs, like Christmas tree ornaments. They were fragments of temples made by a former civilization.
I pictured myself sitting cross-legged in meditation so long that I became stone. I was worn smooth around the edges. I was one of many stone Buddhas dotting the hills, glowing orange in the Sunset.
We have so little time. Dance while the song is playing. Build. Jog. Sleep later.
I am a spirit renting space in this body. It is a cooperation.
I pictured myself asking many women what it is like to be a woman. This made for many beautiful interactions. Their responses were completely outside my expectations.
He says, “It is up to you. Are you going to vibrate with the masters or your addictions?”
I pictured being able to ask the universe questions about anything. I wondered, “What do I really want to know about?” I answered myself, “How about getting to know myself better?” I suddenly pictured Beetle Juice standing up with a sign that read “You win!” Knowing my self better opens the path for getting to know other people in a deeper way.
I envisioned growing old with A- and how I would take care of her in her old age. I would love her in her decrepitude, always seeing in her the girl I first met.
I imagined there were only days before a comet hit and obliterated earth. I considered all the things that wouldn’t matter in that event.
I saw myself laying on the ground eviscerated. A person was squatting beside me handing my heart to someone I couldn’t see. People were pulling pieces from my chest like you would pull apart a cooked chicken. I felt fine about it. It was a love feast.
The Specter of Death
I saw death as a specter standing in the doorway. I saw it as an element in the room, a mist, a spirit. It is something that is part of life; something that is with us all the time. Then I saw my own death, as something that is imminent. I had a lot of reactions to that. I recognized later that they were the stages of grieving. And I came out at the end accepting my death and not being attached to how long I’m alive. The events showed me how attached I am to the things I do. But I came out feeling less attached; that the things I do are not very important compared to the fact of simply living. It is enough to be alive in this moment.
I turned on the love and left the faucet running. I pictured the bathtub in the basement filling up and overflowing and filling up the basement and then running into the room where I was sitting. Everyone started splashing around in the love and having a great time.
I saw a light circuit. I saw lines of light connecting everyone. It was a lattice and the more I looked at it, the more complex it was.
I was aware of the spirit moving and that (like my experience decades ago in a spirit-filled Baptist church) people more experienced than I understood the spirit had a will to do something that I was unaware of. Simply responding to my awareness of the spirit in the room might shift what was supposed to happen to a lesser manifestation of the spirit.
We were planted here by other beings. We are being watched, guided, raised. A multitude stands around us ministering to us. A host is ready at any moment to help us. It is possible to talk to them, but it is in another frequency; in a way we are not looking for, that we would not think to be aware of. Their reality is completely separate from ours. It is like a line cutting through crossways, a plane cutting through our reality. If we knew to look for it, we could carefully pop into it and then travel in that plane. I heard them talking to me during the music. They would go, “squawk, squawk, squawk” in moments between stanzas in the music.
I was aware of motion changing my reality.